Ukraine Election Observers Cite U.S. Voting Fraud

A delegation of international election observers from the Ukraine harshly criticized the recent U.S. electoral process, with one saying, ''It reminds me of the worst examples of suppression and dirty tricks under the former Soviet regimes.''

The delegation outlined a long list of alleged instances of fraud and questionable actions that occurred before and during the Nov. 2 election. Among those was Ohio Secretary of State Kenneth Blackwell, the co-chairman of Bush’s campaign in Ohio, deciding to only put two ballot machines per 100,000 voters in urban, Democratic-strong precincts and two machines per 10 voters in rural and suburban Republican-strong precincts.

"This was a blatant attempt to make voters for Mr. Kerry stand in long lines and leave without voting," said Yuri Yusogotcha, head of the Ukrainian delegation. "Our government does this in the Ukraine, too, especially when we run short of food.”

In addition, the delegation noted that Blackwell made a “curious comment” about Katherine Harris, the former Florida secretary of state who presided over the 2000 recount again as a co-chair of Bush’s campaign, being rewarded with a good position now in Congress. "As they say in your American streets, what up wit dat?" Yusogotcha asked.

The Ukrainians’ list also included complaints of people casting votes for Kerry only to have them show up as votes for Bush when they checked the electronic ballots, computer source codes on systems controlled by partisan Republicans with suspicious lines that automatically added votes for Bush and subtracted votes for Kerry, strange machine malfunctions and a lack of ballots in strong Democratic precincts and other ills.

"The exit polls that day pointed to a big win by Mr. Kerry," Yusogotcha said. "Yet, a sudden rush of ‘moral’ voters was said by your media to make the difference for Bush. Where were these ‘moral’ voters when your country was lying about its reasons for invading Iraq, taking over its oil and furthering certain people’s dreams of an empire? The world has not seen that many ‘moral’ American voters before."

The Ukrainians also observed Republican volunteers throwing bloody chicken parts on the front porches of Democrats’ homes in Maryland, slashing the tires of vans the NAACP planned to use to drive people to the polls in Wisconsin, distributing fliers that wrongly warned voters that they could be arrested at the polls if they had an unpaid parking ticket or overdue library book, and harassing Democratic voters at the polls by challenging their registration status.

Other dirty tricks included city water departments in Ohio turning off the water of African Americans on election day and telling them they had to stay home to wait for a repairman so they would not vote, intimidation by police and state troopers in Florida of African Americans who were harassed about their voting status, mostly African Americans being cut off voting lists in Florida just because they had the same name as a felon, calls made to mostly African Americans in Florida telling them their precinct’s location had changed and directing them to the wrong precinct and police giving mostly Democratic voters parking tickets even though their cars were legally parked in Ohio.

"It seems the American Republican Party has a lot in common with the German Nazi Party of the 1930s," Yusogotcha said. "Not just these dirty tactics and fixing of elections, but its use of religion, propaganda, invasion of other countries, organized camps that hold prisoners without being charged, torture policies and so on. The Republican Party has found new ways to suppress the votes of African Americans and other minority groups."

At his ranch in Texas, Bush, who was on his 22nd consecutive day of vacation following the "election," spoke briefly to reporters. "We have put our antennas out," Bush said, sipping on a large mug of beer, then placing both hands with raised index fingers on the top of his head to signify a strange version of an antenna. "We are deeply disturbed about the fraud reports we hear from Utah."

An aide then whispered in Bush’s ear, and he looked up with a smirk, "I mean, the Ukraine. That’s near Utah, right?" Bush whacked the aide on his back.

A journalist interrupted to say, "Uh, no, Mr. President, the Ukraine is HALFWAY AROUND THE FREAKING WORLD from Utah. Anyway, the matter at hand was about fraud reports in the U.S. What do you make of these reports of voting fraud right here in our country?"

Bush squinted hard at the reporter and replied, "Go ahead, punk, make my day!"

The journalist retorted, "What the hell do you mean, Mr. President?"

Bush then shrugged. "Beats me. I never know what’s going to come out of my mouth. Especially lately when I’ve been hitting the sauce and some really mind-expanding pills my doctors gives me."

Meanwhile, in the Ukraine, hundreds of thousands of people protested some alleged voting fraud in a recent election, which was observed by Republican Senator Dick Lugar of Indiana, chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. The protests were encouraged by the Ukainian opposition leader, who was ahead in exit polls, unlike the response from Kerry, who also was ahead in exit polls but quickly conceded the election to Bush and urged Americans to unite behind Bush. Kerry conceded because he was reportedly concerned about his image, about being the butt of jokes on national talk shows like Leno’s and Letterman’s, not about doing what he said he was going to do to fight for a fair election.

"This is what a democracy should be like," Lugar said. "When there is voting fraud, people should get off their butts and their couches and protest like they did in the Boston Tea Party. They shouldn’t just, say, go shopping or watch reruns of Seinfeld when there is fraud, as they now do in my country."

Lugar added that the Ukrainian election was fraudulent because “exit polls showed the guy we wanted to win should have won.” After being asked why he did not support “the guy who was ahead in the exit polls in the U.S. election,” Lugar retorted, “Because our candidate was the one who was behind. What do you take us for, idiots?”

After being told of Lugar’s comments, Yusogotcha replied, “Who is this Dick Lugar? Is he one of your American porn stars? And why is he worried about voting fraud in my country and not his own country?”

Jackson Thoreau is a Washington, D.C.-area journalist/writer. The latest book to which he contributed, Big Bush Lies, was published by RiverWood Books of Ashland, Ore., and is available at bookstores across the country. He can be contacted at jacksonthor@yahoo.com or jacksonthor@juno.com.

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