1. A WORD FROM THE PREZ
2. A GUIDE TO STUDENT POLITICS
3. AWATERE HUATA: TIME TO END VIOLENCE TOWARDS WOMEN
4. NOBODY WANTS YOUTH RADIO, SAYS STUDY
5. TOP TEN THINGS THE QUEEN COULD DO TO PULL BIGGER CROWDS
6. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

1. A WORD FROM THE PREZ

Universities are coming back on stream throughout the country - those that are not on strike due to poor conditions caused by Labour underfuding that is!

National has been on campus at every major University, signing up members and listening to students. I have been pleasantly surprised by the huge number of students prepared to sign up and do their bit to remove the current government. The message is clear - students want to live in a world were they are free to advance on their own merits, not be dictated to from Wellington.

Young Nationals Conference registration will be open in the next few days. Costs will be minimal as promised - just $10 registration plus meals. Final costs will be on the website as soon as we finalise the menu for the 'State Banquet' on Friday night.

The line up of speakers is unparralled - just today Act Leader Richard Prebble confirmed his availability. A host of other speakers, including Ruth Richardson, Jenny Shipley and Simon Power, will complete a busy remit and campaign schedule. I look forward to seeing as many of you in Wellington as possible.

Remember to check details on http://www.youngnationals.org.nz

2. A GUIDE TO STUDENT POLITICS

By Marcus Salisbury from an Australian student magazine (but still very relevant to New Zealand).

It's the sweaty, shitty start of another soporific year in beautiful Brisbane, and some of you will be all set to start first-year Uni. Nicely done, even for those of you intending to major in Sociology or Peace and Conflict Studies or tripe like that. University is a place of light, liberty, learning and all that high-flown stuff you'll hear at your Graduation from a guest speaker who's been to the Russo Institute of Nuclear Physics and Photocopier Maintenance. Unfortunately, University is also a place of loonies, layabouts and Lefties, and of people who manage to combine all three of those sterling qualities. Those people end up, more often than not, rising to the top of the leaky, malodorous septic tank that is Student Politics.

You will soon encounter the stereotypical campus Lefty dickhead. You may even remember a few from school: those screechy, no-friends buttwads who were co-chair-human of the Senior Formal Environmentally-Friendly Bread Roll sub-committee, and who roamed around the dunnies at lunchtime dobbing in smokers. You know the type. And they'll still be brassed off with never being elected School Captain, or with being rejected by the footy in-crowd.

In revenge against the evils of capitalism, or of Mum and Dad, or both, they've traded in their old uniforms for new ones: nose-, eyebrow- bellybutton- and naughty-bit rings, smelly, tie-dyed clothes, long, filthy, unnaturally-coloured hair for the blokes, or not much hair at all, for the womenfolk. On their heads, at any rate. The standard look for many Lefty girls is to walk about looking like Gumby carrying two Yorkshire terriers under his arms. Just like "hippie" types have since the dawn of time. Or the '60s, or whichever came first.

To set off this awesomely foul get-up, they have kiddy school ports with just enough room for the unread copies of "Green Left Weekly" they'll shove in your face as you walk into the Main Refectory. Don't expect to find any textbooks in their bags, though. I've known socialist numbskulls who were enrolled with me in my first Undergraduate subjects, and are still in first- or second-year. I'm finishing up an MA.

And think about this one, folks. These fools wander around wearing the raggedy clothes and fatuous, drugged-up expressions of Woodstock participants. Woodstock was nearly 30 years ago. As P.J. O'Rourke (whom I would urge you all to read, at gunpoint if necessary) once stated, it's amazing how behind the times the avant-garde has actually become. Imagine the '60s if the supposedly bright young things had gone around dressed in the height of '30s fashion; wearing fedoras, spats, cheesecutter caps and zoot suits with foot-wide lapels and white kipper ties. Well, at least they'd feel obliged to wash, wearing all that expensive clobber.

If you think I'm speaking in stereotypes, look around. It's almost like there's a New Lefty showbag being offered at O-Week Market Days, which comes with a Lefty body-piercing kit, some soap which encourages dirt and grime, and a sachet of hair dye of a colour Not To Be Found In Nature. And one of those copies of "Socialist Worker" with the paragraph on the inside cover about how nasty old Stalin has nothing to do with caring, bunny-hugging, compassionate Socialism. (There are about 50, 000, 000 Russians who'd disagree, but they're all dead and can't answer back).

It's the inherent nature of the Left, though, to produce an infinite number of offshoots, factions-within-factions, and squabbles incarnate. Heinz Baked Beans has 57 varieties, and the Left combines more to produce much the same gaseous effect. For instance, there are the Green Left, the Labor Left and the Socialist Left, and quite possibly the Left Aside, the Left Behind , the Left Hand of Darkness (a faction led by Ursula K. LeGuin), the Left Turn Only If Safe, and the Right Left Right Right Left, a faction believing in compulsory marching duties for all citizens.

Such people are more to be pitied than tolerated. Except at Student Union election time, when they and their two-and-a-half thousand supporters at Uni. (out of about 25, 000 students, I hasten to add) reap the benefits of compulsory Student Unionism and non-compulsory voting in Student Union elections. Yup, that's right. A multi-million dollar gravy train is placed annually in the grubby little hands of a bunch of nitwit ferals by those thick enough to provide them with the minimal support they need. If it somehow doesn't go the way of the ferals (as in 1996), they respond with delaying tactics, stupid censure motions, and violent sit-ins.

The word "racket" springs to mind, for some unknown reason. Get on with your studies, folks, they'll be far less depressing than any extra-curricular stuff on campus. Because until we have Federal Voluntary Student Unionism, every living, breathing thing on campuses across the nation will be forking out $250 a year to the troglodytes I've just described. Not so funny after all, is it?

3. AWATERE HUATA: TIME TO END VIOLENCE TOWARDS WOMEN

It is time for many Maori to end the promotion of macho thinking and humiliation of women, ACT Maori Affairs Spokesman MP Donna Awatere Huata said last week.

"The championship of macho bullying by kaumtua is a core problem for our nation.

"Both men and women not only allow humiliating practices, but actively recreate a so called 'Maori culture' based on them. An increasing number of marae push women to submit to practices that undermine their self esteem. The old ideas that fists and weapons are the way to win an argument are part of a time warp that needs to be broken.

"The active promotion of such ideals underpins the existence of gangs. Ultimately these ideas killed Wallace Whatuira. We cant just blame gangs. Male Maori leaders must take responsibility.

"Wallace’s murder was pathetic, avoidable and tragic. But the events since his death have been sickening. Patched gang members have humiliated Ministers they have humiliated the Crown. And we have allowed that to happen.

"We must stop using 'culture' as an excuse for not moving into the twenty-first century. Gangs, spousal abuse and ritual humiliation of women should not be part of Maori 'culture'.

"New Zealand must use this tragedy as an opportunity to get our thinking into the twenty-first thinking, and end the humiliation of our women and children," Mrs Awatere Huata said.

4. NOBODY WANTS YOUTH RADIO, SAYS STUDY

Research compiled by the Ministry of Culture and Heritage indicates that New Zealands young people neither want nor need another government-funded radio station, says Nationals Broadcasting spokesperson Katherine Rich.

"Only after significant explanation did any focus groups show any interest in the concept of a youth radio network.

"According to one report young people in all focus groups took a fairly dim view of the phrase youth radio. They feared government involvementa didactic approach including counselling and education - boring social programming.

"Yep, that basically sums up what Marian Hobbs has in mind," said Katherine Rich.

"Information from her own officials clearly shows that there is no gap in the radio market and no groundswell of support from youth. If the Minister persists establishing a youth radio network purely so she can have a feel-good broadcasting announcement, it will be a blatant waste of taxpayers money," said Ms Rich.

5. TOP TEN THINGS THE QUEEN COULD DO TO PULL BIGGER CROWDS

1. Publicly behead Helen Clark for wearing a pair of black Glassons
pants to a formal state banquet.

2. Study her "Pronouncing Native Words in 10 Easy Steps" crib sheet
supplied by Rodney Hide.

3. If the opportunity presents itself at a state banquet, sucker
punch Keith Locke.

4. Announce that the Queen's Christmas message will now be known
as 'The Regina Monologue'.

5. Offer to come off the bench for the Hurricanes.

6. Suggest that Prince Harry meet Nandor Tanczos to see first-hand the effects of prolonged cannabis use.

7. Issue a once-and-for-all apology to "everyone in the whole bloody
world still whinging about the British Empire".

8. Send Lucian Freud's awful portrait to Helen Clark's airbrush consultant.

9. Discuss the problem of finding a credible successor with Jim Anderton and his heir apparent, Kevin Campbell.

10. Announce that she can't understand all the fuss about a pair of trousers as they're a perfectly acceptable item of male attire.

St Molesworth:
www.geocities.com/stmolesworth

6. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

www.sotallytober.com

A fantastic website for anyone who enjoys a drink or three. Features include cocktail recipes, drinking games, jokes, mailing lists and news from the wonderful world of alcohol.

Any views expressed here are not necessarily those of New Zealand Young
Nationals, or the New Zealand National Party.

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Editor: Phil Rennie

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