L. Hood: That Nice Mr Peters' War on Intolerence

Our Western society has a tradition of mutual tolerance and free speech going all the way back to Torquemada and Joseph McCarthy. That's why, when people from other cultures who don't understand our tolerant traditions join our tolerant and accepting society, they should be watched like hawks every time they go out in the street in case they're suicide bombers.

I'm against all kinds of intolerance, from people blowing each other up (which I don't think is a very Christian way to behave) all the way through to the funny reaction I get when I have too much lactose.

If any of those swarthy arabs turn out to be intolerant, you know, socially, they should be locked up and then punished to the full extent of law. And then some. That will be sure to make them less radical, give them a higher opinion of western society and diminish their credibility in extremist circles.

But before we can punish the nasty terrorists, you see, we need to winkle them out. And Mr Winston Peters is just the bent pin for the job.

That's why he's been sending letters to leaders in the Muslim community (including that poor dear Ahmed Zaoui) telling them to turn in anyone behaving in an overly religious way.

I'm sure they will take Mr Peters very seriously, what with his leadership qualities and so on. Everybody respects a man who takes care of his appearance.

It's not as though he hasn't done his bit. Like the hard work he put in tracking down those Saddamites. I don't hold with that kind of person. I've not heard how that ended, so no doubt all those alarming things Mr Peters said turned out to be entirely groundful and substantiated.

And I have to say I agree with what he said about all those Asian people walking down Queen Street as if it was their country too.

And now there's this 'ethnic' (and I think we all know what that means) broadcaster trying to spread anti-Western hatred by. broadcasting Al Jazeera programming in New Zealand.

Mr Peters says that's very suspicious because Al Jazeera is - and I quote - "widely recognised" to be a front for Al Qaeda. But you know, I've also heard they're pawns of Israel, and Hamas, and the CIA. That makes them sound even more suspicious. I've even heard that they are a free news agency owned by the Quatari government and established with BBC-trained journalists. But the Al Qaeda option seems most likely, what with the suspiciously similar names and all.

Now, apparently, not all Muslims are terrorists. I mean, it's obvious really, when you think about it, isn't it?

So what I think Mr Peters is suggesting is, we get the nice ones to turn in all the terrorist sympathisers they know, or else we'll send them back to where they came from. That's only fair, after all.

That way, once we've finished, there will be no extremists of any kind in New Zealand. Or any of their friends. Will there? No there won't.

Of course, that may not really be what he has in mind. This might be more like the time we all though he was talking about dawn raids and flying squads and so on when actually he was suggesting more immigration bureaucrats.

Sometimes I wonder if our Mr Peters is mellowing a little in his old age.

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