Immigrants "Must Learn To Misinterpreate English"

OK, I made that up. The quote may be fabricated, but, for Cinco de Mayo, our President did really, truly demand that, "Those who come here to our country have a responsibility to learn the English language."

Fair enough. Certainly, would-be citizens, indeed all citizens, should be required to comprehend the following sample of the Mother Tongue, spoken by the President himself. This is from Mr. Bush's February 4, 2005 explanation of how he will "save" our Social Security system. Take notes, class, there will be a test:

Ladies and Gentlemen, The President of the United States:

"Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to what has been promised. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE TO YOU? IT'S KIND OF MUDDLED. Look, there's a series of things that cause the -- like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. This is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those -- that that growth is affect, it will help on the red."

Got that?

So, go ahead, answer the President's question: "Does that make any sense to you?" And $50 to the first reader who can make it make sense to anyone. It doesn't make sense, of course. (So I pocket the $50.)

And that's the point. Never, as the POTUS says, "misunderestimate" him. The Grinning Chimp knows exactly was he's saying -- or, in this case, exactly what he's not saying.

He is pretending to tell you his plan. But his plan has to do with revaluing the Chinese yuan, shifting U.S. retirement trillions into "personal" accounts that banks can shuffle to the more productive markets of Asia -- and transforming American the Industrial Powerhouse into America the Planetary Speculator.

Rather than tell you that, he's told nothing -- in as many words as possible.

From Armed Madhouse: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Class War" by Greg Palast. Pre-Order it now at www.GregPalast.com

What's the real plan for Social Security? The answer, in plain English, can be found in, Yuan Your Social Security? The Soylent Green Solution"-- an excerpt from the book available now only at www.GregPalast.com

Penguin releases Armed Madhouse on June 6. Hear comic Randy Credico read George Bush on Social Security on the audio edition of Armed Madhouse, available from Simon & Schuster, read by Credico, Larry David, Amy Goodman, Jim Hightower, Randi Rhodes, Greg Palast and other friends.

© Scoop Media