Hood: Govt Struggles to Overreact to Tragedies

The purpose of the State, it is widely accepted, is to stop bad things happening. Recent events show this Government's spectacular failure in this regard. Their only hope is that other role was ask of our leaders, finding the right overreaction in a crisis.

All over the nation headlines tell of children, several of them white, who have had their budding lives cut short by drive-by gang shootings, uncontrolled street racing and this trend of angry youths ploughing cars through parties. Also my train to work has been running consistently late for like a month.

In response to these tragic events it is imperative on every one of us to panic. But it is up to the Government and the Government alone to pass some sort of arbitrary and draconian law and make all the fuss go away.

Recent biological discoveries that young people's brains are not fully developed emphasise the widely recognised dangers of going around being young in cars. Adults, however, are more suited by evolution to hurtling around in a huge lump of metal at speeds an ape could only achieve by falling out of a tree.

This evidence adds weight to claims the driving age (and the drinking age) should be closer to 20. Also the age of consent for sex and for medical treatment, the age when you can borrow money, and the age at which one can become a police officer or join the army.

City mayors and celebrities met to investigate the big question: "What is wrong with our children that they're going around getting run over and savaged by dogs and being shot in their cradles?" This is all obviously part of a single problem, and the nation hardly needed to be told their answer: "Where are the parents?"

Asking this magic question in exactly the right tone of voice it will completely solve the problem. At least that's the only reason I can think of for it being repeated again and again, using such a variety of inflections and volumes, unaccompanied by any proposal for action.

There has been another novel, perceptive and helpful observation that arose during the debate: young people today, it seems, know all about their rights and don't learn about their responsibilities. How have we come to this? Why has no-one told our children that running each other over is wrong?

I am in awe at the depth of thinking on display here. My only suggestion was better video games. Why this obsession with graphics quality over gameplay and story?

No, what we need to do is hastily pass some flawed legislation. Look around - the Section 59 bill got through, yet young people continue to die! Something must be done!

But the Government is in an uneasy position. What with the opposition concentrating on the budget, they don't know what kind of overreaction to be goaded into.

I'm sure if they consulted around Parliament there would be many suggestions, such as sending more 12-year-olds through the adult court system, or more public transport funding or a single, flat tax rate or whatever. And then there's Gordon Copeland. Now there's a man who knows how to overreact.

So far, it appears the Government has decided to go with the 'nuclear' option.

Whoops, typo. That bit should read "the 'unclear' option".

I hope they fix everything soon. I know it's been claimed that the average teenager in a souped-up car is, statistically, more an aesthetic offence than a physical danger, but this is sophistry. The real problem is, why are they young and why am I still over 30?

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