You are right – All candidates are the same.

An open letter to voters

Dear potential voters in this year’s Super City Auckland election.

Hello. How are things? Did you enjoy your last rate rise? Hmm perhaps not. Was it as though it was just one big horrible surprise? Those people are such jerks in council. I can’t believe it. And the price of council rubbish bags – it’s as though they don’t understand you.

You should do the same thing you do every election year. Complain and bitch. Don’t actually do anything. At the very best you should just vote down party lines. Vote John Banks if you like National or vote Len Brown if you like Labour. Vote for the candidate your parents like or vote on the candidate’s eye colour. Don’t get informed about the candidates or their policies. Do not bother to find out who financially backed them. Whatever you do it’s important that you don’t get informed. After all, the candidates are all the same. Look at John and Len – they must have been separated at birth. Their similarities can’t be a coincidence. As a candidate I find myself to be similar to all those standing except that I’m taller than John [pretty sure of this] but shorter than Len. That’s a difference I can live with.

What I like about you as voters in New Zealand as you have probably made some disparaging remarks about other people and who they vote for. I mean look at Americans for example. They voted for George Bush and obviously his war on terrorism. Who doesn’t like war? And the American media is shocking – you’ve probably criticised their media for not giving the public enough information. Those jerks, so ill –informed unlike you.

My message to you is don’t even turn up to vote. Hell, just crawl back into bed or go and pay $6 for a coffee and talk about something real like your car or that thing that does that stuff that means so much to you.

Thanks uninformed voter. It’s because of you that people who get informed about politics get the national and local governments that you deserve.

Cheers,

Shannon Gillies

ENDS

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