The Paul Henry Controversy & Kiwi Dating:

The Paul Henry Controversy & Kiwi Dating:  Mixed Marriage – What About Mixed Dating?

Paul Henry’s offensively inappropriate comments recently about the Governor-General did do at least one thing that is positive:  it raised the question about not only who we are as kiwis, but also the issue of mixed-marriages and, of course, ‘mixed dating.’ 

In terms of mixed dating, there has been a noticeable increase in not only ‘mixed dating’ but specific requests by clients for specific ethnicities when they date, says Rosie Bowie, principal of Wellington matchmaking company Matchmaker.co.nz.

We have noticed at Matchcompany an increase in the number of men requesting not just to be matched with Asian women, but also Indian (including Fiji Indian), Russian and African.  To a lesser extent we also have women specifically requesting specific ethnicities.

Our own view on these issues is that people seeking specific ethnic ‘types’ for dating or marriage may or may not be successful in achieving a long-term relationship.  The fact is that relationships depend upon a great deal more than the ethnicity of the parties involved and we advise our clients accordingly.”

Nevertheless, the trend, if that is what it is, for ethnic-specific matching has certainly increased.

No doubt this has partly been fueled by both increased ethnic diversity in our society, but also by dating sites catering for specific types, including ethnicity.  People using such sites tend to adopt a ‘shop-and-see’ attitude whereby they can effectively “window shop” for wives (or husbands).  It’s not a great basis for developing a relationship that will work, but it’s one that is largely unstoppable.

As the world grows larger in population it becomes geographically and ethnically smaller.  We are becoming more of a melting pot and mixed marriages are increasing in most modern, western societies.

The recent uproar over the latest Paul Henry comments raise an interesting question in the dating scene, specifically issues relating to ‘mixed-dating’ and its prevalence. 

For instance, we’ve had recent matches involving European/Asian, European/African, Fiji-Indian/European, Fiji Indian/Asian and others.  What is interesting, however, is the increase in clients actively seeking to be matched with someone of a particular ethnic background.

Why is this?  Is it simply to do with New Zealand becoming more ‘mixed racially’ or something more?

 One of the noticeable factors about the trend is that it is normally men who are more ‘racially selective’ and yet it is women who are generally more open in their criteria but fixed in their views on a prospective partner.

In other words, men will date women from a particular ethnic group because they either find them more compatible or desirable, whereas women will be more fixated upon specific characteristics, regardless of racial background.

All of that may be totally unscientific, but it is nonetheless

Statistics New Zealand don’t provide detailed information about ethnic intermarriage although we all know that it is not only common but doubtless increasing, just as as ethnic inter-dating is.  Further, there’s nothing to suggest that this trend in New Zealand would be any different from what is happening in Australia, the UK, US, or Canada.

It is also clear that for Maori, there is a high ethnic inter-dating trend although possibly less so with those from the Pacific Islands and for Asian where there is a greater tendency to develop relationships from within their own community.  I believe this is borne out by studies in terms of inter-marriage also.

Another thing that is noticeable is that as the ethnic diversity increases there is also a range of more complex relationships.  It’s not so much a case of European (Pakeha) dating or marrying Maori or Pacific Islanders, but there is the Pacifica/Maori and Maori/Asian and other combinations occurring with greater frequency.

Similarly, there has been an increase in migrants from Africa and there is an increase in those dating outside their relatively small group, which is an interesting development. 

What can we tell from all this?  Only that New Zealand is changing, as we would expect, and that cultural and ethnic diversity are being introduced at a greater level with the result that dating trends, in terms of ethnic diversity, are also changing.

This does require those seeking partners outside of their own ethnic group to have a greater awareness of that diversity and the cultural differences that are established by such developments.

Is this good?  Yes.  And in my experience the relationships between diverse groups, while doubtless challenging at times, are in fact showing a greater likelihood of long term success.  Partly this may be because the partners are more accepting of differences and therefore better able to deal with them.  And that has to be good for any relationship.

 ends

© Scoop Media