New Travel Company Launches: Africa Without The Africans

April 1, 2025

Want to imagine that no Africans actually live in Africa? Want to go on safari and pretend that you’re not on Indigenous people’s lands? Then Colonial Holidays – supported by big conservation corporations – is for you. 

A new travel company has launched today, offering stunning safari holidays with a guarantee of no Africans to spoil the view.

Colonial Holidays is a joint venture between exclusive tour operators and the conservation organizations WWF, WCS, The Nature Conservancy and African Parks.

Specially trained rangers will ensure that any locals who may intrude are either beaten up or arrested.

Colonial Holidays will offer safari tours to Kenya and Tanzania – both countries where, starting in the colonial era, Indigenous peoples have been swept aside to make way for wealthy outsiders.

Tourists will visit various national parks and game reserves, each one policed by battalions of heavily-armed rangers financed by the big Western conservation organizations.

Colonial Holidays’ CEO Weeno Best said today: “Many of the most popular safari destinations were once the home of Indigenous peoples. But no-one wants to look at people grazing cows, and their houses were a total eyesore. So we made sure they were evicted, and built luxury lodges and spa retreats instead.

“Our holidays come with a cast-iron guarantee for all our guests: As you sip your sunset cocktail, you’ll see nothing but a magnificent African wilderness: there’ll be absolutely no Africans to get in the way, or remind you that people once lived here.

“In fact, the only Africans you’ll see during your stay will be the cleaning staff and the waiters. Funnily enough, they’re the same people who used to live here, but they’re much happier now they’re in low-paid work with no job security, instead of self-sufficient and in control of their own lives.”

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