Youth Week 2009

Youth Week 2009

Young people ask parents: Spend more time with us

Contrary to the widespread myth that teenagers hate their parents - young people want more time with their caregivers.

The country’s biggest survey of young people Youth 2007 included 10,000 secondary school students. About 45% of those interviewed reported that they didn’t get enough time with their parents.

“This is big stuff. Much bigger than it sounds,” says principal researcher Dr Simon Denny. “Having a close relationship with a parent is one of the most important predictors of good health and wellbeing for young people.

We know that the relationship with a primary caregiver is a massive resilience factor - meaning that it helps inhibit or prevent lots of the negative stuff that can happen for young people.”

A quality relationship with primary caregivers can help to reduce suicidality, mental health problems, drug and alcohol abuse, and criminal activity, he says.

“These are complex problems, so they aren’t solely caused or prevented by the parental bond. But it certainly helps,” he adds.

More positively 90% of the students thought that their parent(s) cared about them a lot.

The reason that young people gave for not getting enough time were that their parents were busy with work. Mothers were also busy with housework or caring for other children, whilst fathers were with simply ‘out’ or not living with them.

The study illustrated the diversity of family structures that young people living with grandparents, step-parents, relatives and other adults. There was a diverse range of adults identified as caregivers.

New Zealand Aotearoa Adolescent Health and Development (NZAAHD) president Trissel Mayor said she hoped young people’s voice would be heard.

“This study is the voice of young people in New Zealand today. And those young people are saying to adults: give us more time. We hope the public will listen to this plea and talk with their older children about how they can spend more time together,” Ms Mayor says.

YOUTHWEEK 09 23 May - 31 May 2009

The central image of Youth Week ’09 is an elder and a young person engaged in a hongi, the sharing of breath: expressing aroha, support and the exchange of mauri (life force). According to a recent New Zealand School Census survey, the main thing young people would like to be is happy, rather than rich, healthy or famous.

2 Silent call from adolescents: Don’t walk away from me

The silent call of all adolescents is “hold me, meet me and don’t walk away from me”, according to YMCA’s national youth services manager Dave Green. Dave says “This is about engaging with young people who, despite perceptions to the contrary, actually do want to talk with us. Youth Week provides us with an opportunity to consider the relationship between adults and youth and to do something about it to make that relationship stronger.”

YMCA chief executive Ric Odom says some of our commonly held beliefs about young people are just not true. “Some adults would have you believe that young people are rebellious, not all that interested in family and certainly don’t listen to their parents advice. Actually, the truth is rather different.” For example, results from a 2008 survey of young Australians indicate that 75% valued family relationships as important and 62% valued friendship as important. 26% stated family conflict as a major issue of concern and while 85% of young people turn to friends for advice, 74% turn to their parents for advice.

According to the YMCA, young people are social ‘beasts’ and require safe opportunities to seek advice and support. It is far easier to seek advice and support from someone who is already engaged and available. Giving advice and support is different from directing and giving judgements.

“Quality of time with young people will always beat quantity” claims Ric Odom. “A decent quantity of quality time is unbeatable. How many parents, grandparents, caregivers and family members know the names of their young person’s best friend and close peer group; or their school or career focus; or their favourite musician; or their favourite movie, TV programme, or book? These are things we can easily find out if we just spend a bit more quality time with our young people. While you are at it, why not also find out what their current biggest worry is, or what their current views of the world are, or what they like most about their family. Or perhaps most importantly, what they want from you….?” says Ric.

“Spending time with youth is about getting to know the young person. Being interactive without being interested is more harmful than not interacting at all.”

The YMCA reminds us that young people want to be heard without being harshly judged. If they are being listened to and their views/opinions respected they are then able to listen and integrate other views. This is no different to most adults. YOUTH WEEK 23 - 31 May 2009 Most rangatahi Maori

(young Maori) report that they live with two parents who care for them (Youth 07 - Te Ara Whakapiki Taitamariki) Parents do influence drug & alcohol use • More than 50% of students choose not to drink alcohol because of their parents attitudes

• Protective factors or factors that reduced the chances of young people becoming regular cannabis users include spending quality time with their parents, feeling part of their school a n d v i e w i n g s c h o o l attendance as important, and attending a place of worship.

• People aged 55-65 years are significantly more likely to consume alcohol seven or more times a week • Parent s are the most common source of supply of alcohol to young people aged 12-17 years.

• 70% of 15-19 year olds have never smoked tobacco daily • The most common age for first time use o amphetamines was 21 years or older.

• 14-15 year olds had the highest percentage decrease in prevalence of cigarette smoking between 2000 and 2005 compared to any other age group. Source: NZ Drug Foundation

3 YOUTH WEEK 23 - 31 May 2009 Frequently Asked Youth Week explained

Q: Who runs Youth Week?

Youth Week is coordinated by New Zealand Aotearoa Adolescen Health and Development (NZAAHD). NZAAHD is an association formed by the many different types of people who work with youth - way back in 1989. We are a non-profit, nongovernment organisation that does a host of other good work: e.g. promoting best practice amongst people who work with youth. During the year we also work to network, inform our members, and promote good policy for youth in NZ.

All the events you see listed above are run by local people and organisations who are young themselves or care about young people. They work off their own steam. Thanks to the support of J R McKenzie Trust & the Vodafone NZ Foundation we were able to give out small grants of less than $500 to some of these people.

Q: What is Youth Week all about?

Youth Week is an awareness week that aims to create a society that values young people and affirms their diversity. The week aims to highlight the amazing things young people (12-24 years) do.

Q: Where does the money from Youth Week come from?

Youth Week is probably the leanest, cheapest most effective health promotion/ social marketing campaign in NZ! Youth Week happens every year as a result of the ongoing good will and support from our members and associates:

YMCA, Youthline, J R McKenzie Trust, Mayors Taskforce for Jobs, the Vodafone NZ Foundation, Families Commission, IHC, ALAC, Family Planning, Smokefree Auahi Kore, Skylight, NZ Drug Foundation and the Ministry of Youth Development.

Q: You don!t hire PR people?

Err, no. We are a charitable organisation with limited resources. But we are lucky enough to have talented staff and friends to help us out. Like the young designers Axel Olsthoorn and Hariata Cairns who designed our posters and stickers. Amazing aren!t they?! See www.youthweek.co.nz for more.

200+ nationwide Youth Week Events

We are expect ing over 200 fantastic local Yo u t h we e k e v e n t s , promot ing suppor t ive relationships with young people. Below is a taste o f w h a t w i l l b e happening... see more on www.youthweek.co.nz Included will be: a y o u t h pa r l i ame n t i n Rangiora, a youth versus older people’s quiz in Kaikoura, discussion forums and youth-led sports and music events across NZ. In two communities young people plan to put on a dinner for their elders - one in Kaitaia, the other a South Asian Indian group in Auckland. Yo u n g p e o p l e i n Hastings intend to teach older people how to text. In Manurewa kaumatua a n d k u i a w i l l h e l p I n t e rme d i a t e a g e d students to build Maori medicinal herb garden Come to the local Youth Week event in your town. Pick from the 200+ events being held from Northland down to Bluff, from 23-31 May. For event l i s t i n g s g o t o : www.youthweek.co.nz. E v e n t s w e r e partially supported by t h e Vo d a f o n e NZ Foundation & the J R McKenzie Trust.

Media launch Mark this in your diary now... Youth Week media launch: 11am - 12midday, Saturday 23 May at Bats Theatre, Wellington. More details will be available soon, but expect something amazing... Spend more time with youth when they’re facing tough times

Skylight resource manager Tricia Irving has this advice for when times get tough:

• When young people are facing very tough life situations having an adult to talk to and actively support them makes a significant positive difference. In fact it can literally be life saving.

• When a young person is coping with the aftermath of a tragedy they are extremely vulnerable. Their world turns upside down. If a trusted adult is near they can serve as a touchstone. They can be the someone who is just always there for them, available to talk or help them if and when they ever need it, making eye contact with them when they enter a room, and taking an genuine interest in who they are. Never underestimate the power of this role. It’s not judgement or too quickly given advice that they need, it’s compassion, encouragement, affirmation and a sense that someone else is on their side – no matter what.

• When a young person is trying to get their head around a huge loss, change or trauma in their life, having adults around them who actively encourage and help them in an ongoing, non-judgemental way gives them an increased sense of safety and hope. They know they don’t have to go the distance alone. They can be reassured that strong feelings, thoughts and reactions are normal in a crisis, and things won’t always be as bad as they are for them right now. This person doesn’t have to be a family member.

4 Teenagers... What should parents expect?

YOUTH WEEK 23 - 31 May 2009 ! Human beings develop as they age. They learn and un-learn skills and concepts. Young children learn how to chew their food, go through a phase of asking ‘why?’, and gradually become more self-sufficient. When we get older we learn a b o u t c o n s e q u e n c e s a n d responsibility. Older children are also in a developmental phase, which means there are many things they are still learning to do. Dr Sue Bagshaw is a general practitioner who works with young people, as well as being a s u c c e s s f u l m o t h e r a n d grandmother. She says that many parents who struggle with their teenage children could benefit from knowing what to expect from their children as they get older.

“Al l y o u n g p e o p l e a r e different - there is not one correct way of being. But it can be helpful to understand some of the things your child might still be learning to do so that you don’t expect too much,” The brain is developing at the same fast rate during the 3-5 years around puberty just as during the first 3-5 years after birth she says. Dr Bagshaw says parents might expect of any healthy, normal teenagers:

• To be still learning about long-term consequences. They are more likely to be concerned with immediate issues. What is happening right now is all that is real as their brains are still developing the ability to think as far ahead as ten years.

• Peers are increasingly important to them as they separate from their parents in preparation for being adult

• Learning how to do adult a c t i v i t i e s a n d t h e r e f o r e p r o b a b l y ma k i n g a f e w mistakes along the way. This includes everything from having intimate relationships to having their own bank accounts.

• Still learning how to have adul t conv e r s a t ions and developing an awareness of other people’s needs.

• They are questioning the world and might try and do things differently, which can be an asset when we are open to their new ideas.

• They might be likely to need more sleep, particularly in the mornings.

• They are developing an awareness of and interest in sexuality and intimacy. D r B a g s h a w s a y s “Remember everyone develops at different rates just like children aren’t all able to walk at one, so there will be some teenagers who aren’t ready for sex at 16 and some who are ready at 14.” “You should still encourage your children to try and learn about everything. The period of 12-24 years is a time of rapid learning and development. It is our job as parents to get our children ready for independence. Yo u s h o u l d t a k e i t a s a compliment to your parenting skills if your child is doing things for themselves, spending time with their peers, or even thinking of leaving home.”

“It is every parent’s dream that they successfully get their children ready to make their own life decisions, and to be ready for work, life and having their own family.” Spend time together, talk together and it will happen.

A chance would be a very fine thing: include us

In every town in New Zealand, young people are wondering what’s ahead. Study? – might have to. Work? - umm, I guess so. Boyfriend or girlfriend? – yeah! Travel? – cool. So, what’s so different about that? Nothing. And that’s the point. IHC national manager of volunteering and membership Karen Roberts says every young person deserves the chance to dream, to have ambitions, friends and fun. But, when someone has an intellectual disability, friends are sometimes hard to find.

"We are not asking for the moon,” Karen says. “Young people with intellectual disabilities want to be able to live an ordinary life like everyone else – to be their own person and to make choices about their lives. "All young people like to go to the mall, the movies or a sports game. But many young people with a disability are waiting for someone to call by and say, 'Hey, let's hang out'." Karen says of course they can achieve their dreams – but they can do it more easily if you’re there backing them up. "Don’t put limits on people with disabilities. Encourage them to push their limits – to fly as high as they can," she says. "Don’t be embarrassed by anyone's disability – be thrilled at what they doing. You are giving someone an opportunity – and everybody deserves to have options in life."

5 YOUTH WEEK 23 - 31 May 2009

Young people need more than their parents F ami l i e s Commi s s i o n e r Gregory Fortuin says parents need to know what they do, how they act and live their life everyday has a huge influence on young people and that young people want and need them to be there when things aren’t going so well.

“But parents aren’t always the first adult teenagers will go to when they want to talk about r e l a t i o n s h i p s s o w e ' d encourage every adult to be aware of the young people in their life – who are they, how do you communicate with them, when was the last time you asked if they were ok?” “It doesn’t matter if you are a parent, aunt, uncle, or a friend of the family, young people have told us they learn about relationships from watching those close to them, and that even though teenagers want to find out about relationships themselves, they need to know they have a strong support network around them that they can go to where they will be listened to without judgement or criticism."

Caregivers = role models for relationships Family Planning Chief Executive Jackie Edmond says parents and caregivers are the first and mos t impor t a n t s e x u a l i t y educators of their children. “Teaching your child about sex is just a small part of sexuality edu c a t ion . Wh a t i s mos t important is that you are able to help your child grow up to feel comfortable about his or her own body,” Ms Edmond says. “Children and young people need the information, confidence and ski l ls to manage the changes in their bodies and relationships and to handle pressures as they grow up. “Research shows that parents talking with their children can raise the age young people become sexually active, reduce the likelihood of unplanned pregnancy, and, lower the likelihood of young people c o n t r a c t i n g s e x u a l l y transmissible infections (STIs). “Parents and caregivers may find it difficult talking about sex and sexuality – particularly because we don’t get much practice talking about it. But, when pa re n t s t a l k ope n l y a n d honestly about issues such as v i r g i n i t y a n d t e e n a g e pregnancy, when they respect each other’s viewpoints, they model good relationship skills. This helps children and young people to develop their own attitudes and values – and encourages them t o as k questions.”

Organisations such as Family Planning run courses for parents, caregivers, community groups and organisation on all aspects of sexuality – talking to your children about sex and sexuality, puberty, growing boys into young men and so on. C h e c k o u t t h e we b s i t e www.familyplanning.org.nz for details of a course near you. “Children learn by watching their parents – how they relate to others, how they express their feelings and how they respect other people’s differences – including different values. Your child is more likely to come to you for support around sexuality issues when they are a teenager if positive communication has been developed with them when they’re young,” Ms Edmond says.

“Young people often learn by taking risks and experimenting. As adults we can over-react. Try to keep things in perspective. If your teenager makes mistakes, remember that ’s a par t of growing up and young people need to know you love them.” Parents and young people can also access practical advice and information, and treatment if necessary, from one of the 32 F ami l y P l a n n i n g C l i n i c s nationwide. A visit to a clinic is free for young people under 22. Who was there for you when you were young? Are you returning the favour?

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