$30,000 a day to keep Refuges open in New Zealand

$30,000 a day to keep Refuges open in New Zealand

Media Release (embargoed until midnight July 14th, 2011)

Every night, throughout New Zealand, 206 women and children are so afraid in their own homes, they need to stay at a Women’s Refuge safe house. And the numbers are increasing, last year rising by 30 beds a night, or eight percent, over the previous year.

“Women's Refuge needs $30,000 every day to provide these critical services and keep the doors of our 45 affiliated Refuges open,” says the Chief Executive of Women's Refuge, Ms Heather Henare. The Government fund 60% of this cost and Women’s Refuge fundraise for the other 40% through public and philanthropic donations.

Announcing the launch of the Women’s Refuge annual fundraising campaign, Ms Henare acknowledged the generosity of donors to the appeals Refuge did earlier in the year in the response to the Christchurch earthquakes.

“It’s been a particularly difficult year for Refuges and the women, children and families we work with. Our annual fundraising drive this year is critical to help us fund the 40% shortfall that we face and to raise awareness of the effects of domestic violence and the work we do to prevent and eliminate it,” she says.

Looking back over the past 12 months, Ms Henare noted that in 2010, one third of all homicides in New Zealand were family violence related but says murders, while very tragic and high profile, do not represent the whole picture when it comes to looking at what domestic violence is doing to this country.

“Domestic violence is staggeringly costly to all New Zealanders. Not only are there direct costs attached to the justice, health and welfare sectors, but there are also costs around absenteeism, high staff turnover and loss of production. There are costs around the long term outcomes for children who have witnessed or experienced violence. And there are costs to the wider economy associated with loss of income, loss of tax revenue for the government, loss of production and consumption.”

This year’s annual appeal is focusing on a social media campaign to raise awareness of Women’s Refuge work. “Saatchi and Saatchi who have supported us with free creative for more than 10 years have worked with us on an exciting campaign called ‘an auction like no other’,” says Ms Henare.

Trade Me which has partnered Women's Refuge for the appeal, will host a raft of celebrity auctions and a number of special tribute auctions in memory of women who have been killed by their abusive partners or those who have escaped and survived.

The stories of these women will highlight not only the danger of domestic violence, but also show how we can all play a part in preventing and reducing the harm of it,” says Ms Henare.

Media Contact: Sue Lytollis, sue@refuge.org.nz (Mob) 027 322 4688 or 04 801 2702

NOTE: Women’s Refuge has recently revised its website and added a new Youth section. It has also developed a revised Brand. Please see www.womensrefuge.org.nz and utilise our new brand if you wish to attach this with your story.

NOTE: You will see that we have provided in this email copies of our revised brand. If you wish this in another kind of file, can you please email deepa@refuge.org.nz

Can you also update your photo files with these new pictures of our Chief Executive Heather Henare.

Donations can be made to Women’s Refuge in the following ways:

• Street Appeal – collectors will be out in all the main centres between Monday 18th July and Saturday 24th July
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• Trade Me Auction – some amazing experiences are up for sale. That includes a coaching session with rugby league star Ruben Wiki, a trip to New York to meet with the global CEO of Saatchi & Saatchi and having Anika Moa sing at your wedding.
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View the auction at www.trademe.co.nz/refuge

• Text REFUGE to 2026 and follow the directions
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Statistics

(these statistics are collated from the 45 Women’s Refuges affiliated to the National Collective of Independent Women’s Refuges)

• In 2010 Women’s Refuge received 152 calls per day to their 0800 Refuge crisis/helpline, approximately one every 9 minutes.
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• 75,000 times in 2010 women and children needed a bed at a Women’s Refuge.
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• This was 30 more beds per night nationally compared to 2009, an 8% increase.
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• This amounts to 206 women and children every night of 2010 in New Zealand who felt so unsafe, they had to relocate themselves, or be assisted by NZ Police to stay in one of our safe houses.
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• The average annual cost of running a Refuge is $236,000 which amounts to $650 per day. This covers all Refuge activities, the cost of our safe houses, paid staff, training, the vast work carried out with women living in the community and our representation at the important Pol 400 police meetings and other community commitments and education.
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• The total cost in 2009 to run a refuge was $10,395.000, in 2010 govt funded NCIWR refuges (includes local $11,179,000, Total surplus’s reported in 2009 was $1,657,670
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• Over half our staff are volunteers.
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• Our family advocates not only work with women when they are inside our safehouses but they also spend thousands of hours working with women in the community. These advocates provide a raft of services including safety plans, help with legal and counseling services, assistance liaising with government departments and the provision of food and clothing if necessary.
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• On average our advocates had 11,000 community contacts that lasted an average of 3 months per client in 2010. There was an increase in the time women needed last year compared to 2009. Although this increase seems small at 3 days per woman, added up this is 38,000 days of contact by Refuge workers and volunteers which are not funded.
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• Women’s Refuge also works with men’s groups, the Police and Justice and corrections officials where the offenders have accepted responsibility and are making a genuine effort to change their behaviours and the female partner wants the relationship to continue.
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• The recent cuts to the family violence sector has resulted in a reduction to NCIWR funding of $383,000. This equates to a reduction of $8511 per year for every NCIWR refuge Safe house in New Zealand.
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• The recent announcement by Minister Turia regarding the Family Centred Services Fund has increased the individual funds to 20 Women’s Refuges but the money is funded for only 12 months and does not cover baseline funding needs.
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• Women’s Refuge is in urgent talks with CYF and MSD to address the bed night underfunding.
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• Police recently announced new crime statistics which highlighted that they responded to 65,000 family violence calls last year. An important point to note is that the Police believe that they see only about 20% of the family violence that actually happens in New Zealand. If this is indeed the case, we are looking at more like 325,000 incidents of family violence a year which equates to 890 reported and unreported incidents daily.
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The following are true stories of women who have survived horrific experiences of domestic violence at the hands of their violent partners. There are also two stories of women who have been killed by their partners. Each of these stories has a picture of a symbolic item on the Trade Me auction website. Visitors to the site will be invited to donate (via ‘buy now’) $25 on the site. If they wish to donate more or less, they will be directed to the Women’s Refuge website www.womensrefuge.org.nz

Of course they will not get the item portrayed, but they will receive a thank you letter with a picture of that item.

Angels Story

For the first two years of their relationship, Angel didn’t think her partner had an ounce of violence in him. She was 15 and he was 19 when they met on the indoor netball courts in Rotorua.

She had lived her early years in a happy and violence free home in Auckland with her uncle and aunt. It was a shock, at age eight, to be given back to her mother and to adjust to life in a new family and a new city.

When Angel discovered her partner was a heavy drinker, it wasn’t new to her. There had often been parties in her mother’s house and usually a few fights. “I thought that was a normal part of drinking.”

But she became concerned when she smelt strange odours in the house and realised her partner was a “big time sniffer”.

Her first experience of domestic violence came soon after. She woke in the middle of the night to find her partner hitting her following a dream he’d had in which she was sleeping with one of his friends.

The violence escalated steadily. Angel was unhappy but she didn’t seek help. “I’d seen the film Once Were Warriors and thought it was normal for Maori and Pacific Island women to be hit. That’s what we get.”

There was respite when the couple moved to the Hutt Valley to start a new life but it was temporary. Her partner continued to drink heavily and his behaviour became more controlling.

He and Angel worked at the same place and she wasn’t allowed to talk to other men employed there. He told her how long she could be out of the house for and insisted on seeing receipts for the money she spent.

By then she was getting a hiding every couple of days and received black eyes, fat cheeks and broken teeth. She had no family in the area and was scared to talk to women friends, fearing they would tell their partners and it would “come back on me”.

One night she was too frightened to go home and stayed with a friend. When she returned to her house the next day it had been trashed. Her photos from childhood were ripped and her clothes and bedding were strewn around.

Angel’s mother and brother were visiting at the time and advised her to clean up the mess and get on with things.

But there was worse to come. After a shopping trip, Angel was unable to produce a receipt for $18 she had spent on groceries. For the next 20 minutes, her partner kicked her with his steel cap boots, punched her and dragged her across the floor.

One of the hardest things for Angel was that her mother and brother were there at the time and did nothing. Eventually, one of her partners’ nephews arrived, threw her partner out and told her to lock the door.

Angel was swollen from head to toe and could barely walk but her mother did not take her to the doctor. She left the next day and Angelique has not seen her since.

It took Angel three months to recover physically. She changed the locks on her doors and put locks on the windows. There were locals who kept an eye on her and ensured she was safe.

But the emotional trauma takes much longer to heal. Angel has been in a happy and settled relationship with her current partner for more than 11 years and they have three children together. They plan to marry soon.

“I still show him the receipts when I get back from the shops even though he’s told me time and again it’s not necessary.”

Angel now has a support worker at Women’s Refuge and attends a weekly group session there on parenting. She wishes she had gone to Women’s Refuge much earlier.

“I now know abuse is not okay in any form, physical or emotional. There is help out there for women and they should use it. I wish I had.”

Bernice’s Story

I was 16 years old when I met my partner at a rugby league game and 17 when we moved in together.

He was lovely – good looking, popular, the laugh of the party. All the girls wanted to date him and he had chosen me!

Not long after we moved in together was the first time he hit me. We were arguing and he just knocked me down. I remember not knowing what had happened, and thinking how did it get to that?

But I justified what he had done. I thought maybe it had been my fault, I had pushed him too far, so I set it up by not calling the Police or defending myself.

It just continued from there. The jealousy was huge. He never wanted me to ever be the centre of attention. I always had to stand back. If anyone said you look good or did well he just hated that, even when they were friends of ours.

Early on he began to choose my clothes. He didn’t like me wearing skirts or dresses. If I did wear what I wanted I would pay for it later.

At first the violence would be once a month or maybe two months in a good patch, but later it could be three or four times a week. Not always a full on hiding. Domestic violence comes in many forms: dirty looks, the silent treatment, using the children against me, threats, timing me when I went to the supermarket.

We were together for 10 years and had two children. For the first five years I stayed because there was hope and I thought I could change him. There were good times too.

But for the second five years I stayed because it was safer. I knew I couldn’t change him but I was frightened. He said if I left him he would cut my face up so no other man would ever want me. He would take the kids and kill himself and them, he would kill my parents.

What got me out in the end was my Mum invited me over to New Zealand from Australia for a holiday with the children. When I got on the plane I just felt so free, like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders.

I never went back.

I got a Housing Corporation house. Even though I was struggling, it felt so good. I could come home when I wanted to. I could go to sleep at night without fear. I knew that the children were safe.

Slowly I got back on my feet. I went to a counsellor. I did a Living Without Violence Programme – that was a big help, it told me that it wasn’t my fault. You think it is your fault and that you aren’t good enough because if you were he would change for you. You lose your self esteem and your confidence.

I had no work experience whatsoever, but one day I just walked into a local sports cafe and asked for a job. I said ‘you don’t have to pay me but can you train me?’ They offered me a job a couple of weeks later.

I did that job for about two and a half years. It was a huge help because I was interacting with people all the time. I went to the gym and that made me strong and gave me confidence.

I got other jobs after that, each one paid a little bit more. About six years after I came to New Zealand I realised that I really wanted to be a social worker, that I had a passion to help people, especially people experiencing domestic violence. I’ve now finished my Social Work degree and I hope to work with children and young people.

Bernice had only a couple of suitcases with her when she arrived in New Zealand and started a new life. But she does have some dolls her daughter used to play with back in the violent years. They’re a reminder that there is life beyond the violence and it’s a good life.

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A Father’s Pain (Helen Meads)

When the police knocked on the door of David White’s Matamata home at 8.20am on a spring morning in September, 2009, little did he know that his life, and that of his wife Pam, were about to be turned upside down forever.

David had a day off from his milk run and Pam was just back from doing the school bus run. They were planning their day over a cup of tea.

The police were at the property to tell David and Pam their daughter, Helen, had been killed by a single shot-gun wound to her throat. Four days earlier, Helen had told her husband, Greg Meads, that their marriage was over and she was leaving him.

In March this year (2011), Greg Meads was sentenced to 11 years in prison for the murder of his wife.

While Meads is behind bars, the legacy of his actions on that September morning remains. David and Pam have been left to care for their 11-year-old granddaughter and an older daughter of Helen’s from a previous relationship.

Before Helen was murdered, David and Pam lived a simple life. They were semi-retired and had moved to Matamata to be closer to Helen and her family. Every other year, they saved enough from their part-time jobs to travel overseas.

The winter of 2011 finds the couple being full-time caregivers to 11-year-old Samantha and providing a sanctuary for older sister Kimberly when she is home from university.

Each day David White grapples with thoughts about what more he could have done to protect his daughter. David says he’s been criticised for not noticing what was happening to Helen and not doing enough to keep her safe.

David says much of the abuse Helen suffered was emotional. “Right from the start of their relationship Greg Meads played mind games with Helen.” He says “Meads instilled fear and control. Every now and then he would give Helen a beating to show her what he was capable of. The threat of a beating was always present.”

David says when he talked to Helen about the situation, he often told her ‘this is no way to live’.

“However, there is only so much you can say to a 40-year-old daughter. Pam and I could not tell Helen how to live her life. Helen was confident she could handle her abusive husband and thought it was safe to have the girls around.”

On the morning of the shooting, Greg Meads did the school drop off and got a farm worker to take a racehorse to the track. Helen and Greg were alone on the property when Greg Meads fired the shot that instantly killed his wife.

Helen’s murder has thrust David White into the media spotlight. Not only has his life had to change dramatically, David has begun fighting for justice for victims of violent crime.

The 67-year old grandfather says had he known the most dangerous time for women was when they are about to leave and immediately after they have left their abusive relationships, he would have told Helen not to tell her husband of her plans to move out.

David says the tragic loss of his daughter has highlighted how widespread domestic violence is in New Zealand society. “Before all this, I thought domestic violence was something that happened in South Auckland. Now I know it happens behind the closed doors of homes up and down the country.”

Helen’s story has touched hundreds of women around the country and prompted many to contact David.

“One woman, a bank manager, turned up at my door in tears. I found myself hugging a total stranger. Through her sobs, the woman told me she lived two lives. She said colleagues in her office don’t know the woman she turns into when she goes home to at night. She was a strong capable woman by day, but at home she was completely dominated and trapped in a violent, abusive relationship. She collapsed into my arms,” says David.

David is lending his voice to this year’s Women’s Refuge Appeal. He wants people to educate themselves to recognise the early signs of an abusive relationship. He also wants to save lives.

“Domestic violence was never part of my world but I can’t go back and I can’t get Helen back. It’s time we all started watching and listening more carefully.”

David hand-made a rocking horse for the last birthday Helen celebrated before she died. “I have made a few over the years and Helen was always on at me to do one for her,” he says.

This picture of Helen’s rocking horse is a tribute to his daughter’s memory and a symbol of the legacy of domestic violence. David is busy in his shed at Matamata crafting another wooden rocking horse for the winner of the Women’s Refuge Trade Me Auction.

Empowering young women (Sophie Elliot)

Despite being prevented from saving her own daughter’s life, Lesley Elliott believes she can help keep other young women safe.

Lesley witnessed the murder of 22-year-old Sophie Elliott at the hands of ex-boyfriend Clayton Weatherston. As well as coping with grief, Lesley has had to survive three and a half years of uncertainty as the criminal justice process took its course.

Sophie Elliott’s story has left a lasting impression on New Zealand. Not only was she killed in the sanctuary of her own bedroom, her reputation was then tarnished in the vain attempt her killer made to please that he was provoked.

Although Lesley had a close relationship with her daughter, neither of the women recognise the warning signs that Sophie was in an abusive relationship.

They include elements of control, possessiveness, jealousy, verbal abuse and isolation.

When she searched on the Internet, Lesley found that about 90 per cent of the signs of abuse were present in her daughter's relationship.

"I cried for about an hour thinking I could have saved us all this heartache if we had only known this beforehand."

Had Lesley realised the danger Sophie was in, she says she would have turned to Women’s Refuge for support and guidance.

Lesley has established the Sophie Elliott Foundation which aims to bring about a profound shift in New Zealand’s attitude to relationship violence. One of its goals is to warn and educate young women about the signs of an abusive relationship. Lesley regularly visits high schools and gives community presentations to bring this message home.

“We want to prepare girls to look after themselves at a time in their lives when they are most vulnerable,” says Lesley.

Another way in which Lesley is getting her message out is by supporting this year’s Women’s Refuge Appeal.

Sophie was a passionate photographer and Lesley has contributed a picture of her daughter’s camera and photographs of some of the things Sophie loved most in life including her cat, Kade, to the Women’s Refuge Trade Me auction.

Lesley’s hope is that her efforts will ensure other young women do not suffer the same fate as her daughter.

A Family’s Strength (Agnes Faifua and Susana Fiu-fetalai)

One of 35-year-old Agnes Faifua’s earliest memories is sitting on her mother’s knee dodging her father’s punches. “He didn’t even care I was there screaming, he just kept on bashing Mum,” says Agnes.

The Kiwi- born Samoan is now a happily married mother of two.

Each day she works alongside her mother, Susana Fiu-fetalai, running the Mother of Divine Mercy Refuge in Auckland.

Forty years ago, Susana was living a nightmare. She suffered countless thrashings at the hands of her partner, a huge, sports-mad rugby player who Susana met and became pregnant to shortly after arriving in New Zealand from Samoa.

“Every morning I would wake up and wonder when the next beating was coming. A punch in the chin, a chair in my back. He also liked to attack my face,” says the quietly spoken, diminutive woman.

Back in the 1970s, there were no refuges to act as a sanctuary for beaten women and their families. To escape her raging partner, Susana would run to the local park and shelter for the night in the hollow of a tree. She would only venture home when she knew her partner had gone to work.

Over the next decade, Susana left her partner for periods of time but always returned. By 1980, she was married to him and pregnant with their fourth child. She had lived through nine years of violent abuse.

When Susana told her husband about her fourth pregnancy, he demanded she have an abortion. She agreed but couldn’t go through with the termination and spent months starving herself to conceal the pregnancy. Her husband discovered her secret on the day the baby was born.

Susana arrived home and found her husband had sent the other three children down the road and was starting to sharpen his machete.

“I sensed something was wrong even before I entered the house.” Her husband pushed Susana into the bedroom, locked all the windows and doors and started screaming and punching her. With the machete pressing into her Susana turned her head towards a picture of the Virgin Mary hanging on the bedroom wall and cried to God for help.

“At that moment, the room flooded with light, a roaring voice came from nowhere and my husband fell to his knees. It was like he had been hit by a four-by-two.”

Susana gave birth at 5 o’clock that day and says she felt no pain. She remains convinced that the Virgin Mary nodded at her during that tragic scene in the bedroom.

Susana and her husband are still married, but now happily. “It has taken years of healing, forgiveness. He now realises the impact of the pain he inflicted on his family. He is now one of my biggest supporters.”

Agnes and her three siblings have come to love and respect their father and take turns to visit him and do his shopping.

Susana’s husband has told his story to some of the men that come to the refuge for counselling. “They have become more open and understanding of themselves and the hurt and pain they have inflicted on their families as a result,” says Susana.

Susana says it takes time to rebuild trust in a family but it can be done.

Sadly, Susana says, demand for the service provided by The Mother of Divine Mercy Refuge has never been greater. “In recent years we’ve averaged five new cases of abused women and their families each week. This year it has been five a day.”

Susana and Agnes also help the children who arrive at the Refuge, many of whom have witnessed violence and had to protect their mothers from aggressive fathers.

Susana and Agnes have agreed to talk about their experiences as part of this year’s Women’s Refuge Campaign. Their symbolic gifts to the Trade Me Auction include their treasured religious icons and crosses along with personal photographs of their resilient family unit.

A sample of celebrity auction items

• Anika Moa – Will sing 2 songs at your wedding and Sera Lilly will donate a wedding dress
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• Trelise Cooper – Two tickets to her fashion show in August
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• Kevin Roberts, CEO Saatchi & Saatchi worldwide – one on one leadership meeting in New York with flights and accommodation paid
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• WETA – A collectible (The cabalist) signed by Sir Richard Taylor
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• Park Road Post – Lunch for 4 at Park Road followed by a tour
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• Beth Allen, Shavaughn Ruakere and Sally Martin from Shortland Street will be involved with a tour plus a walk on part
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• Ruben Wiki – 2 hour coaching session for children
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• Logan Brown Restaurant – Six Course Degustation lunch for 2 and the option for the winner to do work experience in the kitchen with the chefs
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For a full range of other exciting items visit www.trademe.co.nz/refuge

The radio script that you and members of the public will hear

during collection week

Imagine having Ruben Wiki personally coach your kids in the noble art of Rugby League.

Or flying to New York for a business leadership session with the global CEO of Saatchi & Saatchi.

Or having Anika Moa sing at your wedding.

Or Paul Henare teach you basketball.

Not only can you have one of these amazing experiences.

But in doing so, you can help protect vulnerable women and children in New Zealand from the effects of domestic violence.

Imagine that.

Take a look and make your bid.

Visit trademe.co.nz/refuge or text REFUGE to 2026

Texts cost 20c.

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