Playing for Well Child Week

Playing for Well Child Week

Too Busy to Play

A psychologist I know was asked “What’s the biggest enemy of family life?” and he answered straight off, “Busyness”. And I think he’s right.

My wife and I had three kids in quick succession before we shot the stork. Very quickly, we went from being DINKIEs to SITKOMs – Dinkies are “Double Income, No Kids” couples, and Sitkom stands for “Single Income, Three Kids, Oppressive Mortgage”. (We are now KIPPERS: Kids in Parents Pockets Eroding Retirement Savings).

It was tough, but we got through and enjoyed those years because someone gave us some great advice: relax, and enjoy your children. Our motto was “Settle for less, settle for mess” – too many of our friends with young families were getting frazzled trying to do too many things. Honestly, when they are older your kids won’t remember how tidy the house was or how flash your car was. In fact, they won’t remember anything (!), but both you and your baby would have benefitted from time spent playing and singing and cuddling and talking. That’s what these years are about. Tidy your house up when your kids go flatting – there is always something better that you could be doing with your baby than cleaning!

Why Play?

Is there a secret weapon in parenting? I think there is - it’s fun! Every parenting guru will tell you it’s really good to spend time with your kids, build relationships and have good communication, but what they might not tell you is you can have all these things just while you are playing with your kids and having fun.

Parents get incredibly serious and dour about their parenting and yes, it is the most important job you ever get to do in life, and if you muck it up the consequences can be tragic. But if you take it too seriously that’s just what you are likely to do. And so, we would urge you to lighten up and realise that fun really is one of the most under-estimated of all parenting skills.

So that’s the first reason we’d like to give you for making play with your pre-schooler a priority. Their happiness, development and emotional well being are all dependent on good relationships with their parents.

And when you are playing together you are building a strong, loving relationship. When you bother to take the time to play a game with your child, you are giving them a very clear message that you love them. They may not realise that you love them because you wallpaper their bedroom or you paint the porch, but they will get that message when you get down on the floor and spend some time with them. They realise that, ‘Hey, I must be important enough for my parents to spend time with me’, and so it builds their self-esteem as well.

Play is vital to our character formation. A psychiatrist called Stuart Brown studied violent adults for over 30 years and he made a remarkable observation. Ninety percent of convicted murderers had abnormal or absent play in their childhood. Now, I’m not saying if you don’t play with your child they are going to turn into a homicidal psychopath, but I hope you are starting to see what an important positive force play is in your child’s life.

Play is not just a way of keeping your child occupied until they are old enough to go out and get a job and start paying board. It is actually vital training for life. Play is an important part of a happy healthy childhood. Playing helps us to make good judgements and to become socially adept when dealing with others.

Especially in those first three years of life, children are laying down a foundation of attitudes and skills. In playing games they learn skills like how to share, how to take turns, how to follow rules, and how to be friendly with other people. The way you play together as a family also establishes your family culture of how you relate together, and it gives a child a sense of identity and belonging.

In play there’s also incidental learning along the way. In most games you talk, so you are building language skills. Many games that you play with your children will teach them maths skills or reading ability. And, of course, games help develop their physical skills and their co-ordination.

But hey, even if play didn’t teach them a thing, it would still be a great thing to do. The pay for being a parent isn’t all that great, but one of the real treasures you get in life is that opportunity to get down on the floor and play with your kids. That opportunity isn’t there forever, so make sure you don’t miss it!

How to Play

Here’s a tip; if you want to get some great photographs of your kids, get down to their level, where they’re at. And if you’re wanting to have some great play times with your kids you have to get down to their level as well. Forget your creaky knees and your adult pride, if you want to get into game mode - down on the floor.

Not only do you drop down to their level, you drop into their world. Kids have wonderful imaginations, and you need to enter their world, enter the game that they’re playing. That carton over there isn’t just a carton – it’s a castle. So you need to ask them questions to understand more; things like “Is that a dragon over there?” or “How does this truck work?” or “Is there something we can do better?”

If you are going to take the effort of getting all the way down onto the floor, make sure you’ve got a decent amount of time, so can I suggest you make play dates with your child. Use the timer on the stove, so you can say things like, “When this timer goes off, I’m going to have a play date with you, so you go and get the play things ready” Or perhaps you could say “When that DVD finishes, let’s have a play date.” You can also use the timer to let you both know when the playtime is over so there’s no misunderstanding about that.

As well as these focussed times of play, which should happen once a day, there are lots of other types of play you can do, even while you are doing something else. For example, you might be busy cooking dinner, but you can be a customer for your child if they’re playing shop. When you’re driving in the car, why not play ‘I Spy’. A good tip for playing ‘I spy’ with a pre-schooler is to just stick to colours, “I spy something blue”.

Meanwhile, back on the floor, you might actually need to learn how to play again. That means moving in close, using big expressions and gestures, and taking an interest in what they are doing. Dads, there is a danger with blocks and lego: we can become so absorbed in the towers and creations that we are making, that we almost forget there is a child there and resent it when they want to get involved. Build mystery and intrigue into what you are doing as well, like thinking up stories about what you are making and what you are doing.

If you’re brave, have a go at role reversal. You could even try it with your husband, but no, I was meaning with your kids. Say to your daughter, “You be Mummy, I’ll be Susannah.” You might be in for a bit of a shock at first at some of the things that come out. You might hear things like “In a minute!” or “No, Mummy’s too busy at the moment”.

Doll play can be great fun as well, where you animate a stuffed toy or an action figure or doll and bring it alive and into your stories. You will be amazed at how this fires up their imaginations and they’ll get the hang of it really quickly.

Remember, it’s playtime! They’ll be learning, but it’s not a lesson. It will be therapeutic but it’s not therapy, so lighten up!! Have some fun with your kids. Hey, it’s okay for a game to finish half way through if the kids have had enough. Better to kill it off, while everyone’s having fun than to let it drag on and become a miserable experience.

A couple of things aren’t play. Buying a toy for your child isn’t play. If you are trying to read a book or magazine or listen to the sport or texting, that’s not play either. If you’re getting all tetchy about the rules of the game, that can suck the fun out of the situation really quickly. Playing on the computer or iPad can be play, as long as both of you are involved and you are taking an interest in asking questions.

Enjoy having some great play times!

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