The Hidden Reason Most People Fail To Achieve Lasting Change

Despite our best intentions, most of us fail to make substantial, long-term change—only 20-30% of people succeed in achieving their personal goals—while the rest struggle and often give up.

"People think change is about trying harder," says Simone-Ellen Keller, personal transformation strategist and founder of Genius You. "But real change comes from understanding the emotional systems guiding our actions—our thoughts, behaviours, and the environment around us."

Keller says we try to force new behaviours without comprehending the systems that control them. Instead of addressing these underlying mechanisms, we rely on willpower and quick fixes, hoping for a different outcome.

“This approach is like adjusting the position of an antenna for better TV reception—it may work temporarily, but it’s hardly a reliable solution.”

1. Recognise the systems that govern your behaviour

Keller says change is not about mere determination but about understanding the mental systems at play.

From a young age, our minds develop rules based on our experiences, shaping how we think, feel, and act. These rules become ingrained patterns that drive our behaviour automatically.

For example, if you grew up in an environment where discussing money was taboo, you might have internalised a rule associating money with shame. As an adult, this belief can manifest as avoidance, making it difficult to manage finances effectively.

"Most people try to change without understanding what’s really driving their actions," Keller says. "They end up battling against deeply embedded patterns instead of working with them.

“To make lasting changes, we must first understand these mental systems.”

Begin by examining the thoughts and beliefs underpinning your habits. Ask yourself: What core rules have I internalised, and how do they shape my responses? This introspective step is crucial because it shifts the focus from superficial adjustments to addressing the root causes of your behaviour.

2. Change your environment, not just your actions

Keller says one of the biggest mistakes we make is attempting to change within the same environment that created our existing habits.

“The surroundings we operate in—whether physical spaces or social circles—have a profound influence on our behaviours. For instance, if you want to quit smoking but continue spending time with friends who smoke, your environment is actively working against your goal.

"Our minds acclimatise to our conditions. To change our habits, we need to alter the context in which they occur,” she says.

This doesn’t mean you need to upend your life entirely, but small changes to your environment can make a significant difference. If your goal is to eat healthier, start by removing unhealthy snacks from your home.

If you want to get fit, consider joining a gym or exercise group rather than relying on the same old routine. By creating conditions that align with your desired outcome, you reduce the friction and increase your chances of success.

3. Commit to incremental changes and leverage support systems

Many people set ambitious goals and then feel overwhelmed when they don’t see immediate results.

True, lasting change is a gradual process, often requiring six months to a year before substantial progress becomes evident. It’s easy to lose motivation during this time, but persistence and patience are key.

"People give up too quickly because they expect rapid results," Keller says. "The secret is to commit to small, incremental changes and build a strong support network around you."

Focus on changing one habit at a time. It might take longer, but it’s far more effective than attempting an all-at-once approach, which often leads to burnout. Additionally, surround yourself with people who have successfully made the changes you aspire to achieve.

Seek guidance from mentors who can provide practical advice based on their own experiences rather than relying solely on friends or family who may not understand the challenges involved.

Rethink your approach to change

The path to lasting change isn’t about trying harder or relying on sheer willpower. It’s about understanding the systems that shape our behaviours and making strategic adjustments to our environment and mindset.

By recognising the rules we’ve internalised, altering our conditions, and committing to gradual progress with the right support, we can finally break the cycle of failed attempts and achieve our goals.

"Everything you do is because your mind is set up to do it," Keller says. "If you want different results, you need to change the structure that allows those results to happen."

ABOUT

One of New Zealand’s leading brand strategists, wife and mother, Simone, had everything going for her, but things weren’t as perfect as they seemed. Hard work, tension and the pressures of relationships with the people closest to her, Simone knew something had to change before it was too late.

Using the techniques, thinking and experience she applied to creating world-class brands, Simone embarked on a journey of research, soul searching and personal transformation. Out of that journey emerged the Genius You system for rapid personal development.

These days Simone lives a life enriched with strong, healthy relationships while she builds her own company dedicated to helping others be brilliant— work she loves. Simone has spent the last nine years working with hundreds of people, changing lives, transforming relationships, and steadily honing the Genius You programme into a ‘superpower’ system that lets people take control of their lives now and into the future.

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