What to do After the Relationship Ends

After the Relationship Ends: What to do when your ex-partner is making life difficult.

After separation, ex-partners often struggle to communicate effectively – and sometimes can be downright difficult. Too often this impacts on children, new partners and finances. So how can you turn it around?

The following suggestions may not be easiest to hear, or to implement, but take a moment to consider these three key steps that will help you to develop the right kind of relationship with your ex-partner.

Step One: Decide now that you will work to create an amicable relationship where possible with your ex-partner.

It is important to prepare for the fact that ending a relationship does not mean you’ll never have to deal with your ex-partner again – it just means the terms on which you’ll be communicating has changed. This is an important foundation.

Consider this – if you and your ex-partner both want a relationship with your children, you’ll be bumping into each other (or managing how NOT to) for a large part of the rest of your life at birthdays, weddings, and funerals at a minimum. This can be uncomfortable but must be managed – otherwise you, your children and your new partner will not enjoy these important milestones.

And if you hold relationship property assets together, like a family home or a business, it is vital to ensure you benefit from the hard work you have put in over the years, even if that means you’ll end up giving over certain things you don’t agree with to the ex-partner – because let me assure you, the vultures who prey on relationship property disputes are watching – and waiting.

In respect of your children, it may help to think of yourself as being in a parenting relationship, where both you and your ex-partner have the best interests of the children at heart.

When it comes to relationship property, try to consider yourself and your ex-partner as the “managers” of your combined relationship property estate – where both you and your ex-partner look to protect what you have achieved as a couple, both for you and for your children’s future.

Above all, don’t be in a rush. Remember how long it took you to get here – and consider that it is worth taking at least a couple of years to resolve. Don’t allow yourself to be railroaded – step back, consider the options, and take your time. Try and think: how would I deal with this situation if we were still together?

In the situation where it is simply not possible to communicate effectively with your ex-partner right now, create the distance you need to and use intermediaries for now. Things may change in the future, and often do. Stay safe but stay open. And do everything you can to keep the channels of

communication open. Because every breath you utter through others will likely cost you both personally and financially.

Step Two: Deal with your issues.

There is no doubt that relationship failure hurts. In addition, similar to the loss of a family member, some people experience feelings of shock and disbelief, sadness, anger and sometimes depression.

For some people the process is relatively quick and for others it takes longer – there is no ‘norm’; Some say it takes half the time you were in a relationship to get over the relationship – but as a guideline, consider that you may experience these feelings regularly for up to two years.

Knowing in advance and being able to identify your feelings will help you self-manage. So be prepared for these feelings and decide now what you will do to get through those moments.

The most important thing to remember is that the way you’re feeling right now will pass – it’s normal what you’re going through – and keep functioning.

Although it is not easy, try not to allow your emotions to cloud your decision-making process. Stay focussed on common-sense outcomes. Keep people close to you that you can call on to remind you of this.

Step Three: Move on.

The biggest threat to your happiness and the success of your children and your future – is you. People who get bogged down in issues about who is right and who is wrong and get stuck there do not create healthy outcomes for themselves or their families.

Letting go, forgiving and moving on is not something you do for your ex-partner – it’s something you’re doing for yourself and the ones you love. Because for as long as you choose to be stuck, your ex-partner has power over you.

Difficult ex-partners may make things challenging – try applying these three steps to your situation for a better outcome for your family and your finances. And only where necessary, use the right professionals to assist you in issues related to care of children and in the analysing and distribution of relationship property assets.

read more

ENDS

© Scoop Media