It Takes Guts to Acquiesce to The Club | Francis Cook

Thursday, 5 March 2015, 3:54 pm
Column: Francis Cook

Last week, Prime Minister John Key revealed what Russell Norman aptly referred to as the “worst kept secret in New Zealand”; the decision to send troops to Iraq, ostensibly for the purposes of training to Iraqi defence force.

In an impassioned speech reminiscent of a Call of Duty cut scene, John Key told the house he would “not stand by while Jordanian pilots were burnt alive; when kids execute soldiers; when people are out there being beheaded.”

Key was furious that Andrew Little had questioned the no-vote decision and revealed that some Labour parties in some other countries supported sending troops to combat ISIL, and that sometimes in the past Labour led governments had, in fact, taken various military actions – “The Labour opposition when they were the government said yes to sixty-odd engineers to Iraq. No debate, no vote, you’re going boys,” he stated.

He finished by yelling, “This is the time to stand up and be counted. Get some guts and join the right side,” and received a standing ovation from his peers, much to the consternation of David “Mr. Speaker” Carter. If you look closely, you can see Bill English mouthing a subdued “hoorah.”

In the Press Conferences and Ministerial Statement leading up to Key’s rant, we had been given little information on what ISIL actually is and even what the acronym stands for, but Key has made it clear that they are not only a “nightmare”, but that they are also “barbaric and inhumane,” “evil and barbaric,” and “barbaric and evil.”

Even Little has confirmed that they are, quote, “evil.” (Get some guts then, Little). Based on this information, ISIL probably stands for Insanely Scary Islamic Landmass. With a recruiting power that transcends the regular trade and information route of the silk road via the internet, ISIL resembles a sort of Extremists Sans Frontiers.

Key has made it clear that between 45 to 50 New Zealanders are “at risk of threat.” This was a significant reduction in numbers from his statement the day before when “every New Zealander is at risk of ISIL and we know that as a fact.”

In a further display of immense intellect, Key stated that “New Zealanders prolifically travel.” Indeed, it is true that sometimes New Zealanders travel to countries in which there are Muslims – the intrepid ones sometimes even go to majority Muslim countries.

The risk that ISIL poses may appear dwarfed by the growing amount of New Zealanders at risk of poverty and record numbers of women at risk of domestic abuse – but understand; those hungry children and battered women will find warm solace in knowing we are making a token, marginal, albeit expensive effort to maybe prevent some evil beheadings.

Key’s rationalisation for joining the fight against ISIL quickly spawned an internet meme; his assurance that he will “not stand by” while the above human rights abuses are committed is clearly incongruous with his silence and inaction against the abuses perpetrated in countries with whom we have trade agreements such as Indonesia, Saudi Arabia and Israel.

When asked by Metiria Turei if Key would follow his own advice and “stop negotiating a trade deal with Saudi Arabia, a regime which executes children,” he replied “Mr. Speaker, no.”

These arguments are heavily reliant on John Key’s rhetoric rather than the actual threat ISIL poses. His generalised outrage betrayed a superficial understanding of the significance of military action and his shallow, inspiring thunderbirds commander speeches have obfuscated the issue of joining the fight against ISIL.

At once an action to remain in “the club,” we are now told that all New Zealanders are “at risk.” Key’s show-me-the-money, win the troty, moment in Parliament was akin to erecting an inflatable penis on the global stage – an impressive show of masculinity with little weight.

The announcement came as diggers and labourers scramble to finish the multi-million dollar ANZAC National Memorial Park for the week long centenary of a war which New Zealand had no need to be involved in – which brought only causalities and shell shock back to our shores.

It takes guts to send our young men and women into a perilous war zone in a show of token solidarity to the “club.”

Hoorah, G.I. John, we’re Oscar Mike.

ENDS

© Scoop Media

Francis Cook

Reporter

Francis studied History, gaining a first class honours in 2014. He is interested in politics, music and popular culture. His thesis looked at nuclear themes in Japanese film history.

Contact Francis Cook

• Twitter - @FranPaulKennedy