Covid-19 Conspiracy Theorists: Spreading Ignorance

It didn’t take long. Their vague scratching could be heard, distant at first but getting louder as the Covid-19 curve grew steeply. The conspiracy theorists. They are coming out of the woodwork. And they are spreading ignorance with every word they mutter.

What can I say? At a time when we need everyone to pull together, the conspiracy theorists are doing their best to shift the focus by searching for 5G towers. They are convinced that 5G towers are springing up while we are locked down.

I’m actually more confused about the conspiracy theorists than I am about the virus to be honest. And the Covid-19 virus is far from simple. It mutated with the intent of infiltrating a human body in order to kill it by attacking the lungs. Please don’t ask me why, it doesn’t have to have a reason. It is just one of those things we have to accept. It is as unfathomable as our very existence.

But the conspiracy theorists – well they are of a slightly different ilk to the Covid-19 virus, and only slightly less dangerous.

It is not that the conspiracy theorists are denying that the Covid-19 virus exists. They are saying that corrupt governments (and they are all corrupt according to conspiracy theorists), politicians, NGOs and rich people across the world have coordinated their efforts so smoothly that we are being fed a mass lie.

I hate to use this analogy, but it sprung to mind. The conspiracy theorists think that the mass of humanity are like geese being force fed through some kind of torture device inserted in their throat in order to make foie gras from their livers.

They believe that false news of Covid-19 is being mass shoved down our throats, so completely and thoroughly that we have fatty brains incapable of rational thought.

We are pro-Covid lockdowners. We’ve been fooled, gaslit by those we trust the most. There are no reliable tests, no reliable numbers, no reliable media agents.

So there you have it folks. We have all been holed up in our houses for over two weeks for no other reason than a fear campaign. The media is gaslighting us. Those in power have lied to us about the severity of Covid-19.

Despite harrowing media reports of tens of thousands of deaths and overloaded health systems, apparently none of it is true. The bodies that are left in the streets in Ecuador, with no where to be buried , are just props (apparently). The media have fibbed about how many people have been infected. They have inflated the numbers. Lies. All damned lies. And the only people who can see it are the conspiracy theorists.

But why? Well you may ask! There are a number of conspiracy theories circulating, so hold onto your hats lest they blow away in the hot air.

Firstly, conspiracy theorists believe that corrupt politicians, Bill Gates and the World Health Organisation (WHO) wish to trigger global financial collapse through lockdowns because this will serve their financial interests. They will gain an economic monopoly and unprecedented power. They will then take over the world. If only you didn’t have a fatty brain you would understand that.

I don't understand that. I'm trying so hard, but I must be so thoroughly indoctrinated that I have lost all sense of reality. I am a sheeple. Following the masses, believing in a virus that kills, trusting the government, sleeping in fits.

I've always thought that the intelligence of sheep has been vastly underrated. And while critical thought is so important, it needs a modicum of intelligence and context with it for it to be useful. So , in this case, call me a sheep.

Secondly, as confirmed by celebrities Keri Hilson and Woody Harrelson, conspiracy theorists believe that the virus is being spread by 5G towers. Hilson twittered that ‘what we are going through is the affects of radiation’. 5G was launched in China , says Hilson, on Nov 1 2019 and then people dropped dead. It weakens the immune system. Correlation is most definitely causation. Any fool can see that – at least any fool without a fatty brain.

Thirdly, according to conspiracy theorists Covid-19 is a bio-weapon that was genetically engineered by the Chinese Army’s Wuhan Institute for Biological Products. Conservative MP Tobias Ellwood from the UK publicly asked for “greater transparency over the origins of the coronavirus”.

Because of course, it is not hard to engineer a mutant spiky crown shaped corona virus so that it can cross the species barrier. In nature you need to have a bat, and then an intermediary host like a camel or pangolin or some such. You need to recombine two different viruses. It’s all very complicated.

But technicians in a laboratory just need to stick on the spikes to the virus with sellotape and hey presto! There you have a tiny mass bio-weapon. Genius. No fatty brains need apply for jobs at the Wuhan Institute for Biological Products.

Fourthly the US has also been accused by conspiracy theorists of creating the corona virus to "wage economic war on China".

So who created the virus? Was it China or the US? I cannot keep up.

The conspiracy theorists believe that the mass media is gaslighting us. The policy of mass quarantine to ‘flatten the curve’ is stopping herd immunity and actually creating more problems. We should spread the virus as far and wide as possible. We need 80 per cent of us infected to get herd immunity now.

Like, right now. What are you doing sitting on your couch? Don’t listen to Jacinda Adern and Ashley Bloomfield. Get up. Fight against the scam of Covid-19.

Wait, stop! Stay where you. That scratching noise is starting to drive me crazy.

I have loved ones - family and friends I care for very deeply. I’ve been a model bubbler. I’ve been kind.

I believe that life is so fragile and unpredictable, and at times that nature can be cruel. Real life can actually be so much crueler and complicated than any conspiracy theory. It can take people from us in the blink of an eye. And it can do it through viruses like Covid-19.

Covid-19 is with us now, and I am proud of the way our government has responded. I am deeply grateful.

I will be grateful for as long as I live that the government in New Zealand initiated lockdown when they did.

So here is what I say to all you conspiracy theorists – stop spreading dangerous lies that could cost the life of my loved ones.

And stay home.

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