1. RIGHT WING PROVES SUPERIORITY IN BATTLE
2. YOUTH RADIO UPDATE
3. MAHAREY REVEALS SOURCE OF BRIBE MONEY
4. TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS GENETIC ENGINEERING
5. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

1. RIGHT WING PROVES SUPERIORITY IN BATTLE

The Young Nationals proved in Wellington last week they are not just superior on the ideological battlefield, but on the actual battlefield as well.

Last Friday saw the annual "Battle of Hunter Lawn" between the Right and Left at Victoria University. However a well-armed and trained Team Force Tory, lead by Lt Col Phil Rennie, found that the Left had failed to even organise a team. Whether this was a result of cowardice, or just plain incompetence, is unclear.

The gang of angry Tories, armed with water bombs and 200 eggs, then proceeded to occupy the Student Union Office in protest. When their demands were not met they showed mercy and released their socialist hostages peacefully.

But the battle did not end there – oh no. The brave Tories were then attacked by geeks from KAOS, the water-pistol club. However the foolish foes were soon overwhelmed by the sheer firepower of the ferocious Tories.

There were many heroes of the day – Lt Ferguson proved she is not just a pretty face, while Mark "The Hit Man" Chang and Brendon "Mad Dog" Pallesen provided aggression and courage, (if not accuracy and subtlety).

Better Dead Than Red!!!

2. YOUTH RADIO UPDATE

Broadcasting Minister Marian Hobbs has made a statement denying that a Youth Radio Network is proceeding, and says that the government is "still considering all options for youth radio."

This is despite the fact that Hobbs has been the Broadcasting Minister for nearly two years, and before that Labour had nine years in opposition to develop it’s policy.

"No decisions have been taken," Marian Hobbs said. "We are aware there are strong views on the various options being considered for meeting the radio needs of young people. This was obvious at the Youth Radio Forum we ran last year."

In another development, a childrens radio network called 'KidsNet' has been proposed. It is being spearheaded by a group of representatives from a variety of sectors, and includes Youthtown president Maurice Chatfield, entertainer Peter Urlich, TVNZ board member Vivien Bridgwater, 'What Now' actor, author and radio announcer Steve Joll, among others.

"While it's admirable that the government wishes to address social issues through radio and acknowledges the urgency of the youth suicide problem, what is proposed here is 'ambulances at the bottom of the cliff' material," says Andrew Dubber, KidsNet spokesman and lecturer in Communication Studies at AUT. "A feeling of belonging in a culture and a societal connection is not something that can be applied as a remedial measure at the point of crisis - it's something you need to grow up with."

"The radio industry in New Zealand is not remotely interested in children, and it's exactly where a state-financed station can do the most good. The coalition can have their promised radio network without stepping on industry toes and provide more long-term benefit than they ever could have with a teen-focused station," says Dubber. "It's an elegant solution."

3. MAHAREY REVEALS SOURCE OF BRIBE MONEY

Steve Maharey's $35 million bribe to universities is at the expense of private education providers, says ACT MP Dr Muriel Newman.

"In response to my written Parliamentary question [number 10848] the Minister has today conceded all the money for his new so-called Tertiary Education Strategic Change Fund was made available by his recently announced funding moratorium for private training establishments.

"The Minister dug a big hole for himself with his 'no fee increase' demand to tertiary institutions. His way of clambering out has been to clobber the private educators with the moratorium and then pay off the public educators with this new phoney fund.

"The big losers in all this are the private education providers and 30,000 private students who stand to be punished for no other reason that they exercised their right to choose where they obtained their education.

"This is the worst kind of Government meddling and shows that the Government's new Tertiary Education Commission may well be little more than a front for Ministerial dictatorship.

"Mr Maharey is clearly signalling that this Government is ideologically opposed to the private provision of tertiary education, yet the trend in most OECD countries is towards choice and diversity in education, with the focus on excellence being a driving force. This Government is clearly heading in exactly the opposite direction."

4. TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS GENETIC ENGINEERING

1. Anything that keeps Green MPs at protests and out of Parliament's
debating chamber can't be all bad.

2. To create a new breed of super-human ministers who won't fail
breath tests after a "quiet drink while working late at the office".

3. To clone Marion Hobbs to fill all the spare ministerial houses.

4. To discover the missing links: the common ancestors of Sue and Max
Bradford, John and Chris Carter, Linda and Helen Clark.

5. Make it genetically impossible for MPs to have a "Sue Bradford
Afro" or a "David Cunliffe Bowl Cut".

6. Human cloning: more people = more taxes!

7. To ensure Parekura Horomia gets enough potatoes to eat.

8. Genetically engineer MPs to give them pockets of their own to dip
into from time to time.

9. So Jim Anderton can be crossed with a rectangular piece of rubber
to create world's first human door mat.

10. So Helen Clark can have offspring.

Courtesy of St-Molesworth@yahoo.com

5. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

www.thespark.com

An American website that has heaps of personality tests to discover the true ‘you’. They include, among many others, the bastard test, the bitch test, the money quizz, the ass rating, and the latest addition – the gay test.

Apparently I am 37% gay, just below the average of 39% for heterosexual males.

Hours of fun!

Any views expressed here are not necessarily those of New Zealand Young Nationals, or the New Zealand National Party.

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Email newwrite@national.org.nz

Editor: Phil Rennie

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