1. HOW TO HANDLE PEACENIK HIPPIES
2. GREENS WANT TO BAN WATER
3. MAORI PROTESTS DAMAGE MAORI LANGUAGE
4. TOP TEN: REJECTED ACTS FOR US CHARITY SHOW
5. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

2. HOW TO HANDLE PEACENIK HIPPIES

This is an email from a retired US Department of Defence planner, advising
how to deal with peaceniks. A good read.

"With all of this talk of impending war, many of us will encounter "Peace
Activists" who will try and convince us that we must refrain from
retaliating against the ones who terrorized us all on September 11, 2001.
These activists may be alone or in a gathering. Most of us don't know how
to react to them. When you come upon one of these people, or one of their
rallies, here are the proper rules of etiquette:

1. Listen politely while the person explains his views. Strike up a
conversation and look very interested in his ideas. He will tell you how by
attacking the people who did this to us, we will only bring on more
violence. He will probably use many arguments, ranging from political to
religious to humanitarian.

2. In the middle of his remarks, without any warning, punch him in the nose.

3. Be careful. When the person gets up off of the ground, he will be very
angry and may try to hit you.

4. Very quickly and calmly remind the person that violence only brings about
more violence and remind him of his stand on this matter. Tell him if he is
really committed to a non-violent approach to undeserved attacks, he will
negotiate a solution. Tell him he must lead by example if he really believes
what he is saying.

5. Most of them will think for a moment and then agree that you are correct.

6. As soon as he does that, hit him again. Only this time hit him much
harder. Square in the nose.

7. Repeat steps 2-5 until the desired results are obtained and the idiot
realizes how stupid an argument he is making.

There is no difference in an individual attacking an unsuspecting victim or
a group of terrorists attacking a nation of people. It is unacceptable and
must be dealt with, perhaps at a high cost. We either strike back, VERY HARD, or we will keep getting hit in the nose."

3. GREENS WANT TO BAN WATER

"The Green Party's support for a ban on water in New Zealand shows how naïve and unscientific the Greens are, and illustrates why the Government should ignore their extreme views to ban genetic technologies from New Zealand", says National's Environment spokesperson Nick Smith.

In an email response to a spoof highlighting all the dangers and deaths from
water, Green MP Sue Kedgley's office said she was 'absolutely supportive' of
a ban on dihydrogen monoxide in New Zealand.

"The Greens' support for a ban on dihydrogen monoxide shows just how
scientifically illiterate the party is. They would ban anything if it has a
slightly scientific name, regardless of the fact that all life would cease
without water," Dr Smith said.

The email on dihydrogen monoxide points out it is a colourless, odourless,
tasteless chemical used in all sorts of dangerous industries and that in
gaseous form it causes thousands of burns; in liquid form millions of deaths
from overdose (drowning), and in its solid state causes tissue damage.

"This spoof pulled on the Greens is not indifferent to that which they have
pulled on New Zealanders in their campaign against gene technology. They
have highlighted all of the dangers of gene technology, but ignored the huge
benefits the new technology can offer to mankind. The 31,000 diabetics who
survive because of GM-produced insulin is just one example.

"Gene technology, just like water, offers both benefits and risks. The
Government must reject the scientifically illiterate Greens and instead
support the Royal Commission's proposals for sensible controls on this new
technology," Dr Smith said.

Check out the original email at:
http://www.national.org.nz/press/October%202001/smithn25-10-01.htm

4. MAORI PROTESTS DAMAGE MAORI LANGUAGE

"Self appointed owners of the Maori language who have bullied LEGO into
cancelling the use of Maori names have reduced the chances of Maori
surviving as a vibrant language," says ACT Commerce Spokesman Stephen
Franks.

"When LEGO stops using the 10 Maori words naming the Bionicle toys Maori
lose an opportunity to familiarise millions of children with the sounds and
shapes and feel of Maori.

"Maui Solomon's success in intimidating Lego also sends a signal to others
who might have wanted to use Maori: 'don't bother, it won't be worth the
trouble.'

"The notion of exclusive rights to a language is hilarious. Languages are
for communication. The more people how know them or recognise the words the better.

"Ultimately Government dithering is responsible for this Maori own goal. The
current Trade Marks Bill gives Maori power to unilaterally expropriate any
property value built up in a trade mark if some Maori can show they now find
it "culturally offensive". This politically correct government has included
this in the Trade Marks Bill without explaining the rationale.

"When future generations of Maori call to account those who have let their
language shrivel in the giant's winter garden, by locking out people who
would use it, current Government Ministers should be in their sights,"
Stephen Franks said.

5. TOP TEN REJECTED ACTS FOR "UNITED WE STAND" US CHARITY CONCERT

1. OJ Simpson's "Knifes of Fury Spectacular"

2. Jane Fonda's flag burning live from Kabul

3. The rock group Anthrax

4. Monica Lewinsky's disappearing cigar trick

5. Michael Bolton

6. Hilary Clinton impromptu striptease

7. Marilyn Manson and Elton John singing "God bless America"

8. Bert and Ernie reunion

9. Osama and the Taliban 5

10. The Taliban remix of "Smack my bitch up"

From www.nukeafghanistan.net

6. WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

http://www.madblast.com/oska/humor_bin.swf

This is a very funny short video of George Bush and Colin Powell laying down
the law to Osama Bin Laden while dancing and singing. Make sure you turn the sound up.

Any views expressed here are not necessarily those of New Zealand Young Nationals, or the New Zealand National Party.

Contributions, feedback, articles and subscriptions welcome. Email
newwrite@national.org.nz

Editor: Phil Rennie

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