Child safety expert reveals that message being taught in NZ schools can place our kids IN DANGER

Author’s controversial advice disproves most common safety education given to our kids and says it needs to be “urgently updated”.

There isn’t an adult in New Zealand who hasn’t heard the age-old mantra of “Stranger Danger”. It is the most common advice given in schools and self-defence classes on how kids can stay safe from predators. Phil Thompson, a leading child safety and self-protection expert says that this is outdated and dangerous advice and needs to be urgently updated.

“Over a decade of working with the survivors of sexual abuse, in addition to endless research, and teaching thousands of people ranging from concerned parents to government departments on self-protection has proven to me that the “Stranger Danger” message is not only flawed, it is dangerous to our kids.” Thompson says. “I am seeing it lead to disempowerment and needless victimisation and it must stop, but our organisation is fighting an uphill battle because we are stepping on people’s toes with this. But to be blunt, with 1 in 4 females and 1 in 8 males being sexually abused in NZ, many under the age of 16, we don’t care who we upset to get changes happening, this is not ok.”

“There are many areas of personal safety education which need updating badly but this certainly is one of the most urgent. The reasons for this, and the solutions as well are included in our new book “Empower Your Kids to be Safe…For Life” available in all bookstores and online booksellers. One thing is certain, the book will change the way to educate your kids on safety and is absolutely invaluable, the feedback we are getting is incredible!”

A few of the reasons outlined by Thompson for “Stranger Danger” being an ineffective concept are:

1) The harsh fact is that more than 90% of child victimisation takes place at the hands of someone known to the child or the child’s family. The myth that all child predators are strangers lurking in parks and bushes is plain wrong, the vast majority are not. “Stranger Danger” may effectively prepare our kids to deal with the 1% of predators out there while making them far more vulnerable to the other 99%. After all if all “Strangers” are dangerous that means, to the child, that everyone they know can be trusted. That is causing a huge amount of hurt out there, much of which is avoidable with the right education.

2) The message promotes a false sense of security in both children and parents. Many times we have heard parents comment that they don’t need to read our book or attend our courses because they “know that stuff” and have “told their kids about not trusting strangers”. This misguided belief plays straight into the hands of the child predator looking to build a level of trust with his targeted child. It is apathetic and fuels denial of the real problem out there which creates a perfect environment for child predators to operate.

3) “Stranger Danger” promotes un-warranted fear and worry in young minds. Self-protection education should empower kids with skills and confidence, not create fear. Too many courses make kids afraid and too many parents use fear as a teaching tool and that is just not the way to go. Giving them the right education helps reduce fear and promote self-confidence, self-esteem and so much more as well as giving them the best chance to stay safe and enjoy life.

4) Child predators are masterful manipulators. Very quickly they can go from being a “stranger” to someone who feels known to the child through “luring” tactics. From the child’s perspective, even a complete stranger who engages them in friendly conversation quickly becomes someone they “know”.

The answer, Thompson says, is to teach our kids that it is not what someone looks like or if they are a “stranger” that makes them dangerous, it is instead their behaviours. Once kids know the behaviours to look for which are discussed in his latest book it won’t matter who is doing it to them and whether it is a trusted adult or not, the child will be able to recognise them as inappropriate and dangerous and take action.

“Our biggest problem out there is the denial that there is a problem. The reason most parents don’t want to accept this reality is because it is hard to hear, and we understand that. But of all of the strategies to help keep our kids safe, denying that the risk even exists is the worst one of all and places our kids in danger” Says Thompson “Getting the right education will empower your kids and help keep them safe, what is that worth to you as a parent? We need to change the script quickly and that is what we are working hard every day to do but we need parents and schools to come on board and make an impact.”

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